How well we sleep has a major impact on our day to day life, from how well we can remember and concentrate, to how optimistic we feel about the day ahead of us when we wake up (Ram et al., 2010). The fact is that the better we sleep, the better we feel and perform. For many individuals, a reliable routine at evening and bedtime can help bring reliability and quality to their sleep, which in turn improves the quality of their days.
A Brief Testimonial on Evening Routines
When I was young and having trouble sleeping my dad told me to get my sleep “on a schedule”. I was a rebellious teenager so I didn’t listen, at first. A few sleepless months later I finally asked my dad to explain what he meant by “getting my sleep on a schedule”. He explained that what he meant was this; first, he wanted me to decide what time I wanted to be asleep by every night. Then he wanted me to make sure that I had everything done 15 minutes before the time I set to go to bed. In order to do that I needed a routine to follow.
“But what if I don’t fall asleep?” I asked. He told me, “follow your routine and then get in bed at the time you set and don’t get out of bed until your alarm clock rings in the morning”. That seemed impossible, was I just supposed to lay there all night and pretend to sleep? It turned out the answer was, “yes”. About 2 weeks of following my evening routine and “pretending to be asleep” had me sleeping through the night. It was the routine that made it possible. I made sure that my routine stayed basically the same every night and that I had things in it that I find relaxing.
Remember Pavlov and his dogs? They got so used to hearing a bell and then tasting meat powder that they started to drool when they heard the bell, what those in ABA call “conditioning”. Essentially, the dogs associated the sound of the bell with the taste of meat. For me my evening routine became like the bell, a signal that it was time to relax and go to sleep. The above example is personal of course, but the basics of a good evening schedule apply to anyone trying to ease some of the stress of their evenings.
The Basics of an Effective Evening/Bedtime Routine
Find the time you, or your child, needs to be in bed by
Set a schedule that allows you, or your child, to finish all nightly tasks 15 minutes before the target time
This could include;
Finishing homework
Taking a bath
Bedtime stories
Doing household chores
Anything you or your child needs to do before going to bed
Stick to the schedule
This is by far the hardest part, but it is eased greatly by an effective schedule. We will talk more about this later
Keep the schedule flexible and tweak it as needed
Now let’s look at each step a bit more closely
Finding Bedtime
Bedtime will be different for everyone and will depend on environmental and personal factors (like the time that school starts or people that feel energized with just a few hours of sleep). When finding the right time for bed ask yourself some questions. How much sleep does this person need? As a general rule, kids need more sleep than adults, especially as they are growing. Common bedtimes are 7:30 - 9:30, with bedtimes getting later as a child ages. The next question to ask is, “How much time does this person need to get ready the next morning?” Some people need a long start up in the morning. If you or your child is one of these people, consider getting to bed a little earlier so that you can get up with plenty of time to get ready.
Setting the Schedule
Everyone’s evenings look a little different. Some people eat dinner at 4 or 5 and so it might be the first item on the list for the evening routine. Others may have family members not get home from work until 8 or later and so dinner might be one of the last items on the evening routine. The order of the schedule doesn’t matter as much as there being a schedule.
I like to schedule in what I call “blocks” of time. Let me give you an example. My evening schedule has a “dinner” block first and I have it scheduled for 6 to 7pm. That means that I can start my dinner any time between 6 and 7. That way, if I am doing something I like at 5:54pm, I don’t have to stress about stopping by 6pm. I will continue. Next I have my “hygiene” block that I can start anywhere from 7 to 9pm. My hygiene block includes all things I do for my health at night time, like taking my medication and brushing my teeth. Next is my “wind-down” block that is right before bed. I can’t start my wind-down block until I finish my dinner and hygiene blocks, and it has to be finished by 10pm. That means I am ready to climb into bed by 10:30.
Let’s look at this applied to an evening routine for a child.
It may look something like this;
Evening chores and homework 3:30pm to 5:30pm
Dinner 5:30pm to 6:30pm
Free time 6:30 to 7:00
Bath and Story time 7:00 to 8:00
In bed by 8:30
I try to set a relaxed and calm tone starting at Bath and Story time. What that looks like is that I don’t play loud games or do tickle fights with my kids once bath and story time starts. Instead, I provide a lot of hugs, rub their backs, and talk to them about their day.
Sticking to the Schedule
Sticking to the schedule can be the toughest part, but a good routine helps. Include things in your routine that are relaxing like nice smells, soft towels, and calm music. Spend time talking and being with your child during all parts of the evening routine possible. Sticking to the schedule means that you make sure to do everything on the evening routine by the times set. It also means that you don’t do things that are not on the schedule, like getting out of bed after bedtime.
If this is a repeat issue for your child I suggest 2 things. First, create a bedtime pass. This functions almost exactly like a hall pass in school, meaning that the child is given the pass to get out of bed for any reason, be it a drink or a hug or to go to the bathroom. Once they have used the bedtime pass, it is gone until the next night.
Second is to explain to your kids what will happen at bedtime if they get out of their bed, and then follow through. My kids and I agreed that I would sit outside my kid’s room for as long as it took them to stay in their beds at night. The consequence for opening their door and coming out was that I would stand in front of their door and direct them back to their bed. If they didn’t respond, I would put them back in their room and close the door.
I recommend staying calm and factual with your kids after bedtime, like a police officer that has pulled you over. Tell them what you need them to do and explain what will happen if they are unable to follow through. I used the bedtime pass with my children and found that it really helped as most of the time my kids didn’t even use it.
Here is wishing you the best of luck in your quest for an evening with less stress!
References
Ram, S., Seirawan, H., Kumar, S.K.S. et al. Prevalence and impact of sleep disorders and sleep habits in the United States. Sleep Breath 14, 63–70 (2010). https://doi.org/10.1007/s11325-009-0281-3